Wednesday, January 20, 2010

On Being.

So I've done a lot of thinking lately on the subject of who we are. As people. As individuals. As crazy persons. And sane ones too. And how we get that way. And what we do about it.

It's so easy to look at other people and say, Man, that person has so much potential. If they'd only just focus and do one thing really well. Or to look at someone and say, They have a heart of gold. If they'd only break out and feel free to just be instead of playing all the roles they think they have to play.

Especially as women I think we feel the need to take on, and do, and be the best, and go, go, go. And it all comes from a good place. We feel like we can take on the world, and we have hope, and we go for it full force. Hard core. But sometimes I think that turns into us "losing ourselves"... whatever that means. I think it means losing sight of our passions. Putting them on the back burner because life needs tending to. Or sometimes it's because we're scared of what will happen if we fully devote to it. You know what I'm talking about. What if it takes over my life and what if I'm deliriously happy and what if I don't have time to cook dinner every night and what if the kids don't match perfectly every time they leave the house, yada, yada, yada. What if I succeed? What if other people don't like it or think I'm doing the wrong thing? (Nailing myself to the wall with that last one.)

And I always have to consciously go back to one thing I absolutely, positively, 100% KNOW to be true. Until you are the best you you can be, you will never be the best wife, mother, teacher, woman you can be. Maybe you're spreading yourself too thin. Or maybe you're doing the opposite and seriously holding back in an area where you know you need to let go of the fear and do the damn thing-- both are equally crippling. In both cases you're not running on full power. In both cases people and very important things, including yourself, are being neglected, because they're not getting all of you. Most days they're getting a tired, stressed out, frustrated, fragmented version of you. Only bits & pieces.

I know all this. But it's really hard to change sometimes. But I do passionately believe that knowledge is power. And figuring out how to work that knowledge into helping me live an authentic, accepting, and empowered existence is most of my journey.

And there you have it. So go. And Be. :)


The Panhandleman said...

if there was a like button. I just pushed it. ;-)

tomorrowsmemoriesphotography said...

you wrote this about me, didn't you?
*pondering thoughts*

Ashly said...

You know this blog is about me and my inability to just come out with it already and write. But that being said, yes, you are overloaded. And I feel for you and wish you some major, major peace. :)

tomorrowsmemoriesphotography said...

but it fit my wednesday soooo perfectly, couldn't you have humored me?! LOL!!! thanks babe - i'm enjoying a quiet house and coffee :).