Monday, January 4, 2010

Hi, 2010.

You don't really know me yet. But you will, I suspect.

Here we are four days in and I'm still feeling a little apprehensive about the whole deal. Even after polishing off a glass of left over champagne and spending some quiet time by the fire. All is not quite copacetic just yet.

I keep crying. And I'm not even lying. But I AM rhyming. Which is weird too.

I still miss tucker. I keep thinking I'm seeing him and hearing him randomly all the time. It's like instant sadness, which of course, I don't like. Poncho left to go back to Vernon this weekend and I was here by myself for a while, and the new total silence in the house was pretty much way more than I could take. I was all I don't care that you're three hours away at your last band practice before the first big gig, you have to come home NOW. I've crossed over to the dark side. And thankfully, he only decided to stay for the FIRST half of the Cowboys game after band practice. Then he came home. But I was still in one piece, so all was well.

I guess losing Tucker has caused me to contemplate the many losses I've experienced in my 30 years of life. And whilst I don't dwell on them, they certainly feel like they are at the forefront of my brain at this point in time. This is not always good. But I know moving through them can be a good thing in the end. But really, how many times does one have to move through these things? They don't go away. And I learn good, positive things from the experiences, but seriously. Couldn't they just poof and vanish at some point? I'm guessing no. Such is being human, I suppose.

This is going to be a strange year. I can already tell.

3 comments:

Safronified said...

I hear ya, I hear ya. xoxo, girl, hang in there.

Erin Conrad said...

Oh, I totally understand. And I suppose you are right.

tomorrowsmemoriesphotography said...

oh - we were having crappy nights at the same time.
i'm sorry. hang in there. i hope you're better now. i'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and that is a nice thing to see! and this year, if based on the first few days of the year, - is going to BITE, but i'm hoping that's not the case :).