Friday, December 11, 2009

An Open Letter to a Girl I Know

It's tough sometimes. Living in our skin, isn't it. Especially when we want so desperately for people to understand us, and they don't.

You are an intelligent, amazingly beautiful, hilarious, quirky, sensitive, and caring girl-- and sometimes I wonder if you recognize these qualities in yourself. I look at you and marvel. Sometimes I think if I would have been more like you at your age, I could have avoided a lot of the painful mistakes I made years and years ago. How did you get so smart so early?

The whole area of relationships gets so heavy and complicated sometimes when you feel so deeply. Trying on potential partners, seeing how they fit. Finding one you think is perfect, and then it turns out maybe it's not so much. Spending whole days, weeks, years thinking this one person is the one. Imagining what your life will be like with him years down the road. And yet somehow his feelings aren't the same as yours. And you're left with what? Drama. Tears. And being really, really angry.

I don't know what goes through his adolescent mind. I don't know why he's not appreciating what he has in you, why he doesn't value your confidence and your spontaneity, and your love for life that radiates through every pour of your body. I would guess it's because he's still learning. He's still growing up, just like you are. He's still trying things out to see how they will work. And it's hurt you in the process.

I can't offer much, but I can offer something, as someone who has most definitely been in your shoes. I can tell you it will only keep hurting if you keep pinning your hopes and your heart on someone who doesn't respect that and takes your feelings lightly as something he can just use when he feels like it. Don't spend these precious years of your life trying to get him to love you and trying to make him change. It won't work. And it will hurt you worse in the process. You are FAR too valuable to be sacrificing your worth to someone who hasn't proven himself to be worthy of the task of protecting your heart.

When he wants to go, as much as it may feel like it's killing you, let him go. Just like you're learning how to deal with these relationships, he is too. He's making a mistake by hurting you. That much is clear. And he will miss you. He'll come back, time and time again. Just like he has before. And just remember, that awesome feeling you have when you reconcile for the moment, when he tells you he loves you again, is probably going to lead to that horrible feeling you have right now when he decides that he doesn't feel the same way anymore.

A good indication of how things will turn out in the future is how they've turned out in the past. Nothing changes until you change it.

So boost up that beautiful blond confidence that is so innate in you. Let it shine again. Wear that worth like you've WORKED for it. Because you have. And I wish you could see the future I see for you. Because if you could, you wouldn't waste ONE MORE TEAR not feeling loved. Because that love you're looking for, that guy, he exists. He's out there. And you probably don't even know him yet. But he's going to laugh at your silly dance moves and he's going to make crazy faces with you when you take pictures and he's going to be proud of the fact that you can WAY out-burp him, and he is NEVER going to take your heart for granted. He is always going to love you and appreciate the fabulous woman he has. And he's just down the road. So know that he's out there. And he's waiting for you too-- getting ready for you. And when you guys finally come together, you'll look back at this year and this week and these last few days and say, Wow. If I only knew then what I know now.

And you'll be better for it. And every bit as beautiful.


tomorrowsmemoriesphotography said...

this was fabulously written ashly!

Anonymous said...

You sure know how to make a grown man cry! I wish she could read this and understand it. Learning things the hard way is tough to watch. ...Poncho